....I am STILL awake.

No, I don't feel good even after venting out my anger.

I STILL feel like a zombie.

I probably walk like one too. I don't know. Maybe, just maybe. Actually, I hope not.

Please excuse the incoherent, incongruous and the so not perspicuous psycho babble.


I think I'm sleep-blogging; you know, like sleep walking..sleep blogging?! Maybe, i'm! I wouldn't know.


Before, I had the capability to consume a lot of caffeine, sleep at noon, and still get sound sleep during the night.

*Sigh*

That was eons ago.

No, actually, I was that *talented* even a few weeks back.

I've lost it now

Maybe forever>??

I don't know.


YUCK!


If i ever read this post after I get back to my old sleeping ways (If I ever do, that is), I would hate myself for having posted something as lousy as this.


Reader, thanks for the patience. Now, go, get some sleep. Don't sleep read.

-The insomniac.

:(

This is what happens when sleep deprivation strikes.

Blogging at 5:17 a.m.

I woke up at 2:47 a.m. for reasons that fail to justify this act.

It's hopeless.

It's going from bad to worse.

I haven't been sleeping in the afternoons either.

I haven't been consuming caffeine either, which otherwise would have probably been the reason for sleep deprivation.

I have been sleeping at 11 p.m. these days, and finding my eyes open exactly at 3 a.m.

I need rest.

I don't wanna fall ill.


I want to sleeeeeeeeeep.


The only problem is that I'm not able to do the same.


It's a hopeless feeling.


I get up at 3 and watch TV everyday.


Amazingly, I studied a little this morning.


Wasn't effective. Nada. I couldn't concentrate.

My friends (who get up at 9 or 10 or 11 or..whatever. they get ENOUGH sleep) think I'm crazy.

I think I am going crazy.


It's depressing.

I hate typing like this.

I feel like a zombie.

I AM a zombie.

ARRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sound sleep, where are you?

Where ever you are, PLEASE come back to me.


Reader, sleep tight.

-The insomniac.

...

DEATH.

The word sounds very surreal to me. It's almost like a thing which would never happen t o people I love. I have never really experienced the depth of the pain that it inflicts on a person when that person's dear one dies. It makes me cry when I hear about death. I weep. I cry profusely, even if I don't know who that person is. I love happy endings, however fairytale-ish it may sound. Even when I read about death, it hurts me.

However, I've seen death at a young age. I witnessed His death at 3a.m. I was left shaken. I still shudder when I think about that fateful morning when that Biker rammed into the median close to my house, flew in the air and hit the tree in front of my house. It was terrible. I saw it. It's sad that people have to die. But, it's a never ending cycle,yea. There is no life without death. Death is like the darkness of the night, which gives way for the brightness of the morning.

I started blogging after a long hiatus. It's disturbing to know that I revived this blog by such a morbid post.

Forgive me.

PS. I'd like to die when I'm 60. Not before or after that, period.

PPS. I'd like to die in my sleep.

Also, i ain't a naysayer :P

Cheers.


(It's funny that I write such a depressing post, but still manage to ask you guys to be cheerful :D)

until next time. :)

My kannada teacher told us about an incident which took place a few days ago. It left her very disturbed and set her thinking about how creativity is snubbed by the pretext of "knowledge".

She'd gone for degree papers valuation, and one day, the person sitting next to her was silent for a moment and was thinking deeply. She asked that person if anything was troubling him(or her? I dunno. She never told us if it was a he or a she. for convenience, I'm gonna write he. Sorry feminists, If you think it is too sexist, it wasn't intended. It's just that she contains a letter more than he. And writing he is waaay easier than she. so...!) He turned and handed the paper he was correcting and asked her to read it. The answer booklet consisted of 24 sheets and the person (she thinks it's a guy coz girls, according to her, don't have to guts to write stuff like that in their answer papers.. hmm back to the point now) had written in 16 sheets of the booklet. And he had written the review of a kannada movie!!!!!(aa dinagalu) Yes, a review of it.. he'd completely analysed it.. and had written it so well that even a critic would've hung his head in shame for writing depressing nonsense in the newspapers and magazines(ok fine.. i accept I am exaggerating. but, she said the review was really well written). but the point is that his handwriting was beautiful and the language was impeccable, but unfortunately, our rigid, inflexible, crappy, dogmatic education system does not appeciate this type of creativity. He got a big zero in the exam. What do we learn languages for?! To improve our writing skills or to improve our handwriting or to critically examine a given fact situation or to mug things up and vomit them on paper? I think they have to first get their priorities right.

Me?

I am 36% cynical! I thought I was 100% cynical. :O
This is what the link said :

Generally you give people the benefit of the doubt.
But there are exceptions.
You buy into many of the things that mainstream society believes, but you're not anybody's fool.

Oh, the link says I am VERY sceptical :|
It said:
Your personal motto is: "Prove it."
While some ideas, like life after death, may seem nice...
You aren't going to believe them simply because it feels good.
You let science and facts be your guide... Even if it means you don't share the beliefs of those around you.

=) It's a nice link. Go take some quizes. It's fun.

www.blogthings.com

ELECTIONS!!!!!

Election season is on !! I think it is pointless to go to the polling booth and cast our votes as every candidate is worse than the other ..
I don't even want to talk about JDS .. Deve Gowda sucks !! So does his son !! SM Krishna (congress) is OK, I guess .. But I doubt he'd be given a second chance to come back what with Kharge trying desperately to become the CM !!
And as for BJP .. I can't even name a few leaders who have done anything at all to develop K'taka or the country as a whole

If, by development, we mean having about a dozen(or probably more) millionaires in our country; sorry, but, this is not what I mean by development. There's a lot of social disparity in our country. The rich become richer; the poor poorer.
By development, I mean, equal sex ratio, women empowerment, good education, an end to child marriages, child labour, female foeticide, and all those things which our "honest" politicians promise to do .. but as usual , never keep up to their word (Ha! Note the inverted commas. there's a bit of sarcasm there.)

Even though I said it's pointless to vote, I think we ( 18 years and above, of course) must all go and vote for the best among the worst !! I can't believe our country has come to this stage.It's like choosing either the shark's mouth or the deep blue sea! .. we, after all, are the biggest democracy in the world !! WOW! That is something to be proud of .. but with the present political scenario in our country, this claim seems quite meaningless.. what with a meagre 44% voter turnout! I think we should all exercise out duty towards the state and in turn the country by voting ..

Boy, how I wish I was 18 !! Sigh, I will have to wait for another year to vote (people might think that I slept through all my Civics classes because a govt is formed not for a year but for 5 years).
Oh, you earthlings, nothing is confirmed yet .. who knows .. maybe the government might fall out in a few months' time. I wouldn't be surprised if it did .. with all these if-you-give-me-money,-I'll-lick-your-shoes politicians trying desperately to gain power and become CMs to bring about "changes" in the states.
Now I wonder what their definition of change is ..
maybe a change in the amount of money(tch..tch.. money is too nice a word .. maybe it should be read as BRIBES!) they accept from poor citizens .. !! Or maybe a "hike" in the public money that they pocket!
cant there be candidates who inspire graciousness, chivalry and decorum?

Whatever their definition maybe, the bottom line of this unsuccessful rant is

go ahead, pick the lesser of the multiple evils :
Absistence is plain laziness .. apathy is bad too ! JUST GO AHEAD AND CAST YOUR VOTE! We don't want another disastrous coalition govt!

Meeting Bus.

I met Bus at last! Meeting him made us all feel how small we actually are. We realized that we have achieved nothing in life when we saw what he has achieved. It's sad that we consider every small thing that we do as an achievement when there are people who silently do great things. True. Empty vessels make more noise.

Chaitra and I were walking aimlessly in 3rd cross when I suddenly told her that Bus' wife passed away. She said she knew about it and it was indeed very sad to have happened to her. She was a great lady. Her face reminded me of a calm ocean. She always smiled at everyone and never interfered in anyones business. Her death was a great loss to all of us. Then I told her that we should go and meet Bus now, and it's been a while since I saw him. Even she realized then that it's been years since we all met Bus. So we decided to go and meet him. We went to Bhavya's home and asked her if she wanted to join us. She immediately agreed.

It's strange the way we come up with weird names. Some people in LIC Colony call me Goni :D .. I don't know how this name originated.. then we call Chaitra -'Chitte'.. as in butterfly.. And we call Mr. Rao- 'Bus'. When we were young (I mean REALLY young.. I was in kindergarten and many people who played with us are now happily married), we used to play this game called 'chain-cut' . One evening when all of us, about 10-11 of us, were playing this game, a man about the age of 87-88 years, came up to us and said jokingly, " Jaga bidi, jaga bidi. bus bartaide.. bus bartaide" He meant, make way, make way. There's a bus coming along! that's how the name 'Bus' originated and replaced Mr. Rao.

I had to give the history of the name. Otherwise, some people would be wondering why I call this person Bus.

Bhavani, Pavan, Arun and Aparna were standing in front of Pavan's home and talking. Chitte and I went up to them and asked them if they wanted to join us to bus' home. Arun and Pavan said they have some work to do and hence cannot come. Aparna said she'd love to come and meet him. Bhavani who is getting married on the 27th of this month said she'd definitely want to join us and invite Bus for her weeding. So, Chitte, Bhavya, Bhavani, Aparna and I set out to Bus' home.
We rang the bell and Bus' daughter opened the door for us. She was extremely pleased to meet all of us. She led us to his room where he was sitting and listening to music. Initially he didn't recognize any of us. We introduced ourselves and then he said he could remember all of us and fondly called us his 'birthday pals' .

Bus had made a list of all our birthdays and every year, WITHOUT FAIL, he'd come to all our homes to wish us, give us his blessings, give us a greeting card (He made the greeting card himself), Make us wear some of his hand-made earrings and chains and he'd sing a song for us and go home. He'd do this EVERY year. That's why we are his Birthday Pals. It's really sad that we never did anything for his birthday. I felt ashamed of myself when he called us all his birthday pals. We are all so selfish .. so consumed by everything happening around us that we hardly realize that there is a world outside our world. I felt hopeless, and I was disgusted with myself because I didn't even know when his birthday is. I still don't know when it is.

He switched off his music player and asked us all to come to the living room. We went to the living room and sat. He sat on a chair where everybody could see him. We asked him if he could remember all of us. He said , "Of course, I remember all of you. I remember you in particular. Remember the bus accident .. when the bus came and knocked you out. You were in the hospital and your mother was hysterical" He looked at me and told this. He mistook me for my sister. But I didn't want to make him feel bad and quietly accepted that it was indeed me. He then asked us all if we could spare him just 5 minutes. We told him we have all the time in the world and yes, we could spare him more that 5 minutes. He asked us again. This is how humble he is. We said yes, we can spare him 5 minutes. He went in to his room and started fishing for something. That's when his daughter, who was sitting with us all along, told us that he had turned 100 this year. Chitte knew his age. As for me, I was ASTOUNDED! 100 years of age is not a joke! I knew he was somewhere near the 100th mark. But 100 on the dot.. I was spellbound! Even at this age, he has so much energy in him. He is a person of great spirit and humility. He came out of his room, clutching something in his hand. He asked us all to stand. We stood. He asked us all to dance to the tune he was about to play. We were amazed! The thing he was clutching in his hand turned out to be a mouth organ. He started to play it. We held each other's hands and started dancing. It was such a beautiful experience! (Mind you, I hate dancing. But I found it amusing that day!) He played the instrument for about 2 minutes. We then applauded!! We all sat and then he thanked us all for making some time and coming and meeting him. We thanked him and his daughter and left.

This experience, however small it may sound/look to you, left me shaken. I was profoundly influenced by this small rendezvous with Bus. I am a chronic procrastinator .. I know it sounds terrible, but I am horribly lazy. But after I met Bus and saw how active he is even at the age of 100, I felt ashamed of myself. I am just 17 and he's 100 ... sigh!